Can't Help It If We're Tilted
by flowerpower17
Summary: When the Tracy's invite a friend into the family, can everything run smoothly or will the secret of the Thunderbirds be enough to shake the family to its core? Set after Things Start With A Snap.
1. Can't Help It If We're Tilted

Normal. The word seemed to haunt her each and every time people told her that her normal would return to her. What was normal for this kind of situation? Christina had finally finished her last therapy appointment, physical therapy that was. The months had come and gone and to her it felt like she had sat on the sidelines of life as each and every person around her carried on. Christina knew herself she had a longer ride ahead of her, yes she could run, jog and stand on one leg for the required amount of time. Each test longer than the last and the same four white washed walls became home for so long she could barely remember what the outside world looked like.

The nightmares those were different. Usually she would end up screaming before realising that it was just that, a nightmare. There were times in the day she felt she had seen Smiley's face, she could feel that knife against her skin again and the bullet wounds still ached from time to time if she thought about it. The physical side was much easier than the mental side, she knew that much but her appointments for a shrink were few and far between now. In her own mind she felt ready for the outside world again, rehab had done its job and she had sat in that single bedroom long enough.

Lady Penelope had insisted on it, state care was fine and well but no she had been shoved into to a white washed room to battle on instead of being at home and fighting with Bill and Cookie. Even visitors were put off by the sterile environment but she still managed to have a few and through the wonders of technology she saw a few familiar faces on her laptop screen now and again. Those she found were the good kind of visitors; the ones where she only had to show a happy smiley face for while. No one looked anywhere else and she could get away with the 'I'm fine' most of the time.

Christina felt as if she had taken up residence inside the rehab centre, the constant talking and therapy followed by a healthy eat this and run to that. One foot in front of the other like a robot and for all Christina knew it was the very thing she had turned into. It had been three months since the Gala, since the night that John said he loved her and she returned the sentiment. Her last appointment, her last day in prison as she called it and now all she wanted to do was go home and try to put together whatever pieces of her life were left for her.

Even with her stay in the facility Christina had visitors much to her dislike when they appeared in person, it wasn't that she disliked people to talk to. The update from family and friends was welcome but she never wanted them to see her struggling or anything less than put together. It was why she had told no one about her freedom day, the one day when she could walk out of the front door on her own with no walking stick, no nurse hovering with a chair and no need to stop walking after ten minutes. No she was now under her own steam. It took less than five minutes to gather her things from her room and even the walk to the front door was faster than normal.

Christina could feel her hand start to sweat as she pushed the cold metal button to open the door. The shrill beep pierced her ears followed by the streams of sunlight that shone just a few inches inside the doorway. Christina put one foot in front of the other until she stood on the sidewalk, her bag in hand as she gasped for breath. For the first time there was nothing wrong, no need to be out of breath other than the reality she had finally made it back into the outside world as she turned back to look at that simple door. Was it strange to feel the sudden wave of emotion that hit her, the simple things in life seemed so much sweeter now as she felt the sting of tears roll down her cheeks.

The tears followed by her own laugh that sent shivers through her. A laugh she hadn't heard for a long time as she wiped the emotion from her face leaving just a wide smile behind while she took a few steps along the sidewalk. She would have kept moving had it not been for the familiar voice that called out from behind her. Christina stopped for a moment, her feet about to turn when she realised that the one moment in life she wanted someone to be there. That one moment she wanted John to be there she hadn't told anyone at all. Shaking the voice from her mind she started to walk off again.

"So is that how it's going to be now?" John called out casually.

He had been sat outside the building for the last two hours waiting for Christina; he had asked her over and over again when her last day there was. Each and every time he had the same answer that she had no idea or the doctor wanted to keep her for an unknown number of days. John had no other choice than to do the next best thing, he had Brains do some digging to find him a date and time. John watched Christina turn around, the shocked face that turned to him as he smiled right back at her. He had been working at the farm on and off splitting his time between that and Thunderbird Five.

Today was just a day he had to be there and right then, seeing her smile John knew he had made the right choice. Even when he saw her drop her bag with the look of shock on her face, even as he watched her run those few steps toward him. Yeah, he could take any amount of upset for just that one sight. John slid his arms around her, holding her close to him in that moment he knew yet again that she was the best thing that ever happened to him. He couldn't help but slide his hands over her sides, the sides that were different now. He knew that she had told him not to expect the person she had been before but John could still feel her ribs under his fingers.

Those first weeks he knew she had practically been a skeleton of herself; he thought it might have changed more though the doctors he had spoken to warned him not to expect miracles. It took time to regain muscle and tissue, time to regain what had been lost and time was the one thing John wanted back. Even knowing what the doctors told him, John had no clue what to expect but as his hands slid over her sides and her back he could feel the improvements. Was it as far as he thought, no but then it was hardly a week off work she had been taken. Between the coma and now, it was over six months. A long time and a lot of work but John knew he had the easy side of it all. All he had to do was just wait and see and what he saw took his breath away.

The curvy, athletic figure from before was still there in a bare bones sort of way though time had almost demolished it. A few months ago John didn't even think that he would have seen Christina run or smile again let alone anything else. Christina wrapped herself around John, arms, legs she didn't much care right then because he was right there with her. The man who had stood by her through the mood swings, the craziness that had gone on in her life and he was still standing at the end of it. Standing and looking just as he used to, not the tired John she had seen at the Gala or the days after that. No this John, this was the John she had fallen in love with she thought as her lips sought his. His cheek, his lips again before she buried her head in his neck.

"How did you know?" Christina whispered lightly, holding onto John.

"Oh you know me, I have my ways." John replied grinning as he kissed every inch of her he could reach. The look of pride and admiration clear on his face. "Looks like it was a good job or you'd be walking home right now."

Christina just laughed and nodded, she had never thought about what she was going to do once she escaped the rehab centre. Her one aim was just to get out, to get out and walk wherever she could. Beyond that she hardly cared as she smiled up at the blonde haired Tracey. She was glad he was there with her, the one face she wanted to see more than ever because she could see how much it meant to him.

"So are you going to take me home or do we have other plans?" Chris asked as she smirked at John.

The two had talked a lot, phone, email and visiting hours but to finally get five minutes in the outside world with him. It felt like that first kiss or the first glance as her heart felt like it was flying. Talking could be overrated when all she wanted to do was feel his hand around hers. The warmth of his embrace or even the whispers words that she could carry on with everything. A screen image was great but nothing could compare to the person stood there with her.

"We can go home; I know there are a few people there who want to see you." John offered finding it hard not to smile at the beautiful woman in his arms.

With that John made sure to pick her up princess style as he carried her back to get her bag before grabbing it with ease. John made sure once they got back to the truck that he placed her firmly in the seat. He disregarded the slight protest about walking as he shut the door and jogged around to the driver's side. Even then John made sure to check her seat belt as if she was a five years old. He could already feel the glare he got for the move but it was her first day on the outside. He didn't want to be responsible for putting her back any steps.

"You know I can fasten my own belt right?" Christina said a little sharply, "There was a class on that in there, I can lift a ten pound weight and I can punch a bag filled with sand. I can even walk over a thousand yards now without getting tired or worn out. You don't need to baby me."

"Chris, I..." John began before seeing the look on her face. "Yeah okay, check your own belt."

As John reached to start the truck, Christina made sure to shut the engine off for a moment before she started to fuss with John's seatbelt. She avoided his hands that tried to bat her own away as she tugged at it and sure it was in working order before she gave him a thoughtful look for a moment.

"Now you're good to go too." She added smirking as she settled back into the seat. "So feel free to remember your highway code and get going."

For a moment all John could do was gaze at her, the way she laughed and smiled never got old at all. Even if she was teasing him or driving him mad about something he would never swap that sight or sound for anything else. The drive was a relatively quiet one, mixed with talk and silence though John felt relaxed even in those silent moments. There was little need to talk over it and even the glances between the two on the drive home said most of what needed to be talked over.

John felt that since they had reconnected at the Gala, talking was all they had done. About what things were going on in life, family, the relationship they had and wanted. Even about John's visits to the hospital came up though John found it a little too painful at times which usually meant the subject was changed pretty quickly. The one thing they never talked about was the missing time when Alan and Christina had been taken. The time when John knew Mr. Smiley had Christina and Alan, which was something John, had tried to ask her about but as soon as he did. He had his answer that talking about that time wasn't going to happen at all.

They both had their sticking points about talking; John could barely admit to the conversations he had while she was unconscious. Christina dare not talk about her time with Alan in that room or any time after that. Even when she thought that John must have has questions or something to say, she could barely bring herself to voice any of it. It took her long enough to get a full night's sleep and there were still days she would wake screaming or worse she managed to fall silent because she had no idea why she was doing what she was doing. Her brain would heal, she had been told that a thousand times but Christina wanted it healed already. The nightmares and forgetting how or why, it frustrated her and now she was outside in the open world again. She only hoped she could cover those signs from anyone who might see them.

Christina was too lost in her own mind to notice John pull the truck up outside the farm house where Cookie and Bill were waiting, the equally warm reception from the two of them and a practical hero's welcome home for both parties. John felt like he had lost his home the minute Christina was left in that hospital, no work on the farm, no Thunderbirds; it didn't make anything right but now. Slowly things were starting to get back to normal, to feel like they used to do when had his home away from home in space. He could stand to be aboard Thunderbird Five now, he lost little sleep when he knew he could call Christina or see her on a screen. It was easier than knowing the world was falling apart beneath him.

With the welcome underway, John made himself busy. The past few months he had learned more about working on the ranch than he had known his entire life, which helped when he could just step back into the role again. This time it wasn't Bill telling him to go home or to leave, no he was okay to be there, to visit the person he loved and bring her home to the place he knew she loved. John spent the afternoon mending a few fences around the yard, sticking close to the farm house to watch over Christina. He saw Bill and Cookie go about their day as normal once again leaving Christina sat on the sofa in the living room.

John watched as she appeared to lay down to rest, as much as she protested she was fighting fit he knew that wasn't the entire truth. He had asked the doctors what to expect and yes she could go further than she had before, her strength had returned in spades but she wasn't back to the hundred percent she wanted to be. He could see a seventy percent which showed as he watched her rest for a few minutes before turning back to the fencing. John was unsure how long he had been working for when he took another look through the window. The causal glance expecting to see Christina resting right where she had been though instead, he was greeted with an empty sofa.

Deciding it was about time to take a break and check on her John entered the house finding it entirely empty. He managed to catch one of the other guys working on the farm who told him Bill and Cookie were in town and he had seen Christina heading to the barn. John almost kicked himself for letting her out of his sight for a second as he made the sprint across the yard to the barn where he knew he had danced with her that first time. He remembered how many times he had stood outside that barn, imagining that moment over again but knowing she was lying still in a hospital bed. The thought caused a lump to build in his throat as he knew Bill would kill him if Christina was hurt. There was no chance he was letting anything to happen to her as he pulled open the barn door hearing the sounds of the familiar radio in there.

The horse stalls ran along the length of the building with the concrete floor that separated each side of the barn. The beat from the small radio that rested on the partition about half way down and the tractor and trailer that was half filled with bedding. John quietly made his way toward where the music was coming from as he saw Christina poke her head above the stall wall. The pitchfork being lifted into the trailer as it dropped off the load of used bedding before he heard the audible gasp for breath. It wasn't until he saw Chris turn around that he could see how much effort it took from her. Her face was red and flushed and her breathing seemed similar to someone who had just done a half marathon.

"Christina, take a break." John said softly as he walked over to her, his hand reached out for the pitchfork only to receive a glare from her.

"I am fine; let me do something that I'm used to." Christina asked, she would have pleaded too if she felt that would do any good.

Bill had left instructions to rest and sit and do nothing all day, which was fine but Christina wasn't the sit and do nothing type. If others were working then she would too and that was the final say of the day. It was why she had taken the job of mucking out the stalls, she had missed it. It sounded crazy but she missed the alone time, the head space and the simple task of cleaning something she had done a thousand times before. It was just taking a little longer than expected this time but she wasn't giving up easily.

"Chris please, just listen to me." John pleaded, batting those crisp blue eyes as best he could as he decided to give up on taking the pitchfork and simply perched himself on the edge of the trailer. "Just five minutes please Chris, just five minutes."

Christina knew she wasn't going to get out of this and please, oh he was killing her inside with that tone and those eyes. The tone of a sad puppy dog who wanted a five minute play break as she sighed and gave in. She needed five minutes but at least this wasn't her giving up right? She was asked to and for John, oh she could get over this love thing pretty fast if this is what it turned out to be.

"Fine you win just quit with the voice and eyes." She stated trying to look annoyed though she couldn't help the smile that turned her mouth.

Seeing the victory grin on John's face she rolled her eyes as she struggled onto the edge of the trailer. Fighting off John's offered hand and hands to lift her up, no if she was going up there she was doing it under her own power. She was tired of people holding her hand and waiting for that inevitable fall, she was out of rehab and therapy no she was capable of working her own body herself now. Even if that meant wiping her brow for the thousandth time that afternoon.

"You really should take things show Chris; give yourself time to come around to it all again." John suggested though as soon as he opened his mouth he knew he'd messed it up.

"Come around? Come around to what, the fact that I feel useless right now? That you look at me as if I'm broken?"Christina snapped as she looked away from him. "I can do this John, the way you looked at me when I ran to you today, I want that. The feeling that I can be me again, the feeling that you're not worried or concerned or treating me like I'm made of glass."

This was the conversation she never wanted to have, the words she never wanted to say but as much as she wanted to keep it all to herself. It felt like she had to tell him, that feeling of freedom when she left the rehab centre. The way he seemed so happy to see her take those steps and now she could see it all over his face, the worry he had over her doing a simple thing. A job she had done in her sleep that now had people so worried about her. She pretty much felt useless, for months she couldn't do more than be angry and curse when she couldn't lift a small pan of water onto a stove. A brief trip around some shops wiped her out to the point she needed to nap or sleep for several hours before coming around again.

A big day was walking down a street or taking a run, even climbing a training rope or lifting a weight. All she wanted to do was be herself, be that person people turned to again. The person who could do a simple job without an audience to watch over her to see she didn't fall down or crack under pressure.

"You're not useless or broken Chris, you know that." John said feeling like he had just been gut punched, "I'm insanely proud of how far you've come, what you've accomplished and I look at you each day and see you like that. Ten steps or two Chris it doesn't matter to me. I almost lost the woman I love without getting to tell her that, yeah I'm sorry but I have a right to worry and be concerned. I can't stop that."

John was trying to understand but he was worried, worried about each and every breath she took because he didn't want to be in the position where he visited and brought flowers each and every day. Waiting for a sign or a smile or a wave of a finger, even a higher heart beat on a monitor. It had killed him slowly but surely, each day he went to see her brought further heartache and pain. Sure he could see it now, he could see how each visit seemed to take a little more from him, each day she didn't wake up seemed to chip away at the hope he had clung to until he had to go home. He felt guilty that he had left her, guilty that he wasn't there when she woke up. So he had turned a little protective over her, was that really so bad?

"I feel broken John and I don't know how to fix it." Chris admitted trying not to look his way at all as she hopped down from the trailer. So much for the five minute break when she had given it one minute at most. "I feel like a two steps back person all the time and you didn't lose me. I'm right here John, I know you love me but... I don't want to put you through worrying. I want you to be happy and worry free."

John slid down from the trailer, he knew he was worrying too much but he wasn't sure how to stop. The sinking feeling that he might wake up one day and she wouldn't be there ate at him despite the happy moments and smiles. He guessed they should have talked that all out too but John didn't see the point in it weeks ago. John was about to make his counter argument when he felt Christina wrap her arms around his waist. The single gesture even when they were worried or upset, Chris somehow had a way to make him feel like he was flying. John placed his arms around her holding her to him as he felt her head rest against his chest. He could feel each breath she took, deeper than normal and a little ragged though he knew that was exertion and probably too much of it.

"I'm right here John." She whispered as she felt his arms tighten around her, pulling her into a crushing hug. "Think I can come back to this in an hour or two?"

John heard the question as he chuckled and nodded. An hour or two, it was a good idea though why Christina had asked he was unsure. She never gave up that easily, at least not as far as he had seen as he tried to think of fifty reasons he might be missing for the question.

"Sure you can." John replied.

Chris knew that trying to fight him on it would lead to an argument and the one thing she knew, she hated to argue especially now. If it made him worry less she could take the compromise of an hour or two. She never said she wouldn't come back to it which she knew she would but then maybe when John could be distracted with Bill for a while. Take his mind of worrying and she could show them all she could at least complete one job for the day.

"Can I ask you a favour John?" Chris asked deciding just to go on ahead anyway, "Would you sit with me a while?"

John paused for a moment, did she really think she had to ask that question he wondered. Being with her was all he wanted to do so sitting with her; he would do that whenever she wanted him to.

"Sure I can do that." John said as he followed Christina back to the house.

John sat on the sofa as Christina pulled her boots off by the door before curling up at his side. It didn't take long before he heard those rhythmic breaths, the steady pace that spoke of sleep as he sat there with her for a while. John was pained to move away though he knew he needed to finish his work and finish the job Christina had left before she could get back to it. With that in mind he made sure to leave a blanket over Chris as he moved slowly, not disturbing her as he headed back out. It didn't take long to finish the fencing and he was almost done with the barn when he heard Bill's voice. It was mid evening as he could see the dusk setting in through the open barn doors.

"So how was her first day?" Bill asked, having taken a trip into town to avoid it.

Bill loved Chris like a daughter but he had no strength left to argue with her over what she could and couldn't do. He figured he would leave that to John and given the fact he had seen Chris asleep on the sofa he guessed she had tried to do something more than just rest. The woman was a force when she wanted to be, just out of a coma or months later Bill knew when a battle was better fought by someone else.

"It was good; she got half the barn done before..." John said with a sigh as he glanced at Bill for a moment, "How do I stop worrying? Thinking that she won't be here tomorrow?"

John wasn't sure he wanted the answer to that but then he wanted to fix what he knew was wrong. He couldn't just let it go, the feeling of loss, fear and worry that came with staring at the lifeless body of a loved one for weeks before finally taking a break only to find that she had come back to life in a way. The sleepless nights, the falling apart and even hating work which was something John had never done. Even when his mother passed, school was the one thing he wanted to help him work through it all. To get good grades, make his mother proud but almost losing Christina had shaken him in a way he never thought possible.

"You don't, I guess you just get better at masking the feelings but with Chris... you'd need to be a world class liar." Bill said with a grin, "Was it that bad today?"

"Not bad, she just said a few things and I know I worry but I can't go through that again. Losing her a second time, I... I have no idea how this all happened." John explained not sure what he was trying to say at all. "I guess I just need to let go or something. Chris just won't stop trying to do things around here."

John couldn't help but grin as he saw the grit in Bill's eyes to try and make that sentence go any other way. Bill knew Chris and her stubborn bull headed self made for a difficult time in telling her to rest up. He knew exactly what John meant and yet he had no answer for the man, he had almost lost a daughter. The daughter he never had and a daughter whose mother he had made a promise to protect her. In the space of a day it had been taken out of his hands and then watching her in that hospital. It was as if he was saying goodbye to her mother all over again.

"You know your dad said that it might be an idea for you to take her on holiday." Bill explained having spoken to each and every doctor she had along with the eldest Tracey. "Take her to your place where she can't do anything but relax."

Bill knew he wanted his 'daughter' of sort's back home, back at the ranch where he could happily believe that the past few months had been nothing but a really bad nightmare. The one thing he knew he would struggle with was trying to keep her from doing more damage to herself with her determination to get a job done.

"He did?" John said a little surprised given their family activities. "Well yeah I mean, great but what about here and you guys?"

"Here will still go on, Duke is working for us now and again you know. We have worked out how to hire people too so this place will run as it has done previously." Bill said with a wry smile, "Why don't you take her on holiday and get her to relax. She will listen to you... mostly. I hope."

John laughed and shrugged, Christina listening to him. Yeah that would be the day he though she had listened about taking a break? He still had no idea what that was about but he would take the victory even if fighting her on rest was starting to look more like a war than a single battle.

"Well if you're sure, I can try and convince her tomorrow to go with me?" John said wondering just how well that conversation would go over.

Bill just nodded when he heard the scream from across the yard. John took off running as Bill tried to limp on behind though John was already half way toward the farm house when he saw Christina come running out. The look of terror on her face as she was as white as a sheet, a look that Bill knew all too well from those first weeks she had tried to spend at home before Lady Penelope whisked her off to the rehab centre.

John tried to reach out for Chris but his hands were pushed away violently as he watched Chris pull up the jumper and shirt she had on. High enough for him to see the scars left by Mr. Smiley as he saw her run her hand across them, even the sound of her ragged breathing in the yard scared him.

"Chris, look at me. It's John." He said softly, trying to keep his head.

"I know who you are." Came her curt reply despite the fear she felt racing within her.

"It's safe okay, just relax, and take a deep breath." John added remembering what the doctors had said.

Nightmares, terrors, reliving moments, it was all possible though John didn't know what had happened this time though he could see the fear in her face and eyes. There was no denying that look, he had seen enough fear on people's faces through the Thunderbirds followed by the joy and relief that came knowing a steel rocket was there to save them.

"Don't shrink me John." Chris almost sobbed as she stepped away from them, turning her back as she tried not to cry.

She could see Smiley as clear as day, the cold callous face and the look Alan had given her when he had taken off to run into the tree line that day. She felt sick to her stomach as she tried to gather herself from her nightmare, focusing on deeper breaths though it didn't seem to be working.

"I saw him... he was right there." Chris said pointing toward the living room window.

Her entire body was shaking as John moved around to face her; he reached out for her hands though this time there was no protest. He felt how tight Chris held them as she stared at him. Caught between fear and embarrassment Christina had no idea where to turn or who to look at. In her room at the centre at least it was only her and the four walls that knew, her shrink sure and maybe a nurse or two but not family and certainly not John Tracey.

"John..." She gasped though her sobs, "I'm sorry... you shouldn't see it."

"Shhhs, it's okay. I've seen worse." John said with a slight grin.

Christina barely managed a laugh through her sobs though her eyes turned a little brighter. She wondered how he could joke or even grin when this was the mess he saw. This was the reason she shunned rest, she had no time to rest at all when all she could do was dream of the one man she wanted to forget forever.

"Worse?" She asked wanting to know what could be worse right then.

"Bill yelled at me, which was worse." John announced smirking.

Christina outright laughed as she nodded, "Yeah that is worse."

"Told you." John added as Bill grumbled something about all Tracey's being jackasses.

"He yelled at you about what?" Chris asked wanting a distraction as John frowned.

Her mind was catching up slowly but surely to the present and Bill shouting at John, that was news to her ears. Bill was a grouch at times; he snarled and snapped but under the hardened shell was a man who was as good as gold. Yelling at John however was a new thing she had never really seen before.

"Urm... it was... private okay." John added as he saw Chris look toward Bill.

"What did you yell at him for?" Chris asked.

"See what you did?" Bill snapped glaring at John, "So yeah he got yelled at but he's a better man for it."

"What did you two do?" Chris asked again looking between the two guilty faces in the dim light of the house. "You know what... I don't know and I don't have brain power for this."

She felt like she had no rest at all and even her back and shoulders were starting to protest at her earlier venture in the barn. It was one thing to swing a weight around; entirely another to do some manual work when mucking out a stable had been a dream rather than a reality.

"Good." Both men replied as they grinned glad for the change of direction.

"I need to finish the barn." Chris said as she still held her grip on John.

"Missy, it's done." Bill announced, "Your boy there did it."

"You what?" Chris said as John watched Bill limp into the house. "That was my job, you stole it from me?"

Chris was too tired to glare at John, even when she saw that concern and worry in his eyes and face. She was too tired to even fight him or call him on it, so much for her very normal day. If this was normal she wanted her original normal back right there and then.

"I didn't steal anything I Just... finished it for you." John said as he tried to smile.

Christina was trying to be mad but she couldn't find the strength to be. John could clearly see as much as he pressed his lips to her forehead, damp with sweat he figured from fear as he tried to hold her close to calm her down. John wished he could take her place, take away the fear and nightmares. He had heard about them, the doctors told him about them but never had he imagined how real it might be for her.

"I'm sorry John." She muttered once again averting her gaze. "I wanted to finish it; I didn't want you to see this."

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for." John replied, "I know you would have done it but I figured I'd give you some more time to rest and you think this is my first nightmare I've seen? You've not seen my brothers have nightmares."

Chris tried to smile or laugh but all she could do was lean into John and hold onto his hand tightly. She could still feel herself shaking against him but there was something about having him there. As much as she was loathed to admit it, John just being there made things easier in a way. She knew she could trust him without trying to force it.

"Thank you." Chris whispered. "I should go and..."

She stopped there having no idea what she was supposed to be doing as she glanced around for a moment.

"I should..." She tried again, "Make coffee."

Chris tried to cover the sudden lapse though she could see John saw right through it. Even the way he held onto her hands still as she tried to pull back she could see he knew what she was doing.

"Well Bill said you should come home with me tomorrow." John added deciding it wasn't a question or a choice. "I know my dad and brothers would love to see you for a week."

"But I can't..." Chris stated. "I've things to do here."

Was it a surprise, yes Christina had no idea but then that was how most of everything felt to her right then. She had no idea what was being talked about when she was on a good day, mostly she could follow orders but leaving home. Leaving for John's home, there was too much to do just to go tomorrow.

"Yes you can, tomorrow you come home with me. Then you can get the full Tracey treatment, just don't start Scott talking about umbrella drinks or you'll be stuck with him teaching you how to tend bar all day." John teased for a moment.

"I... John I can't." Chris said again a little more stunned than before.

"Can and will, trust me you need to relax and get away for a little while." John said as he smiled, "Did I tell you we live on an island?"

Chris gasped as she stared at John. This was like a dream she would wake up from, a dream and she would wake right back inside those four whitewashed walls.

"Island... you're teasing me." Chris said standing there dumbfounded.

"Nope, it's an Island. Tracey Island to be specific and we all live there." John added smiling seeing how stunned Chris looked.

"An island?" Chris questioned again before she felt a sudden wave of tiredness.

John could see in her eyes she was struggling to stay awake, it had been a long day he figured and his talking about an island seemed to be just about all she was going to have of it. John wrapped his arm around her as he felt her knees buckle; he managed to keep a hold on Chris as he felt her go limp in his arms. He picked her up and carried her back inside though he could see the same peaceful look he had seen on her face in the hospital. The look that he both adored and loathed as it reminded him too much of those hospital visits. John carried Chris to the sofa again, wrapping her in the blanket as this time he was determined not to leave her side. Nightmares or not, this time he was going to be there for her no matter what happened.


	2. Gone In The Morning

The farm house was deathly quiet in the early hours of the morning. No creaking stairs and no snoring sounds of sleep as John sat there wide awake watching out of the window in his room. Listening intently for any sound that was out of the ordinary, he was looking out for the woman he loved so that next time he left he knew she was safe. To have held Christina in his arms, to have spent the day with her beyond that of a screen or face to face in a clinical setting, it was the best and worst of life rolled into one. Sitting in the farm house, the place she had been taken from John found he was on edge, more so than he had been when he had worked there or even when she had entered the facility Penny placed her in.

He had taken a few trips along the hallway to Christina's room, opened the door just a little to double check she was sleeping there. When he saw her face, peaceful and resting all he could think of were those images he had from the hospital. The still, sleeping form that never woke despite the flow of one sided conversation that he still couldn't bear to tell her about. He was still trying to work out how best to bring that up, to say everything he wanted to and not sound like a blithering idiot at the same time.

John had learned the hard way to tell the person you love everything the minute you felt it. The waiting had almost taken everything he had to give, talking to a person who had no idea what he said. It was tough, tougher than he ever thought it might be. Now he just wanted that moment, that private moment to talk to Christina and tell her everything he had done while she was silent. John just wasn't sure he could bring himself to do it, to show anything but the happy smiley face that she was awake and back with the living.

Stuck in that thought John heard a noise from outside, he poked his head around the door of his room seeing nothing out of the ordinary there. Instead he did what he had done after Thunderbird Five had been attacked; he checked and double checked the doors and windows on the way downstairs. A habit that on a bad day or after a bad call he still did, John moved around the house quietly making sure all the doors were locked before he made himself a coffee. The usually quite whistle of the kettle sounded more like a fog horn in the silence of the house as he hurried to take it off the boil.

Mixing the instant coffee in the cup before he walked himself outside into the cold of the morning, he was reminded how the farm house was a home away from home. A place he could appreciate for it's quite times and one he could stand back from when it was busy. He was quite happy to blend into the wallpaper of life and Christina's home allowed him to do that in the best way he knew. John wasn't sure how it all came about, he couldn't put a finger on what happened but the woman he loved was right upstairs and she was still broken from the events that had transpired.

It was why he perched himself on the seat swing on the porch, a favourite spot of Bill's but John saw exactly why. At this time in the morning he could hear the breeze rustle the grass and trees while it whipped up the wildlife that made an early appearance. He sat barely feeling a chill as he drank his coffee, the hours passing idly until he heard footsteps from inside. It was about the right time for people to start making a move on the day as he drank the last cold remnants from his cup. These footsteps however became louder, almost a thunder down the stairs as John furrowed his brow. Something wasn't right he thought as he reached to open the door to head back inside. No sooner had he done that did he feel the slam of a body into his.

"Oh god." Came the familiar voice, "You're alive."

John stared at Christina for a moment; the frantic look on her face had him guessing a million reasons as to why she would think he wasn't alive. John moved to wrap his arms around Christina as she recoiled back from him, the frantic look replaced with a worried one.

"You're cold... you're freezing." Christina stated, "What did you do? What happened? Why weren't you in your room?"

John could hear by her tone that calming down wasn't happening right then, even when Bill and Cookie made a bleary eyed appearance they just nodded and waved their hands in a general 'morning' notion. Bill's eyes firmly on Christina as the man look as worried about Christina as Chris did about him.

"She checked on us all son." Bill announced as he rolled his eyes. "Woke us up too when you weren't in your room."

John winced hearing that, he hadn't meant to cause any trouble but it seemed that there were two people doing the exact same thing. Worrying about the other and crossing wires all the while.

"Christina, I'm fine, it's okay." John stated trying to reach out again for her only for his hands to be pushed away. "I just sat out and drank some coffee; I couldn't sleep so I was just outside."

Chris could feel herself verging on panic as she stared at John. He looked tired and the icy feeling of his hands and arms were enough to send shivers through her. Christina had done the one thing she knew how to do, check that everyone else was okay. She found Bill and Cookie which provided some relief, effectively waking them in the process of trying to check on them and when it came to John. John's room was empty, her heart had stopped and panic set in as she managed to check the rest of the house before heading outside.

Her mind had already led her to the fact John had been kidnapped while she slept, he was hurt and no one knew it, murdered and the countless list of other possibilities that flew through her muddled brain. Instead he was stood there, cold as ice and despite the fact he was talking to her, telling her it was okay all she could think of was the idea that she lost him.

"No it's not okay, you're not okay. You don't drink coffee outside, what if something happened to you? What if..." Chris gasped trying to keep the sudden urge to hug him out of things. "I lost Alan from this house; I'm not loosing anyone else from it."

John nodded as he finally figured out the issue, the night they had been taken the Tracy family had been out with the Thunderbirds. It was just Christina and Alan, two people and Alan still wasn't in the mood to talk about it much. Instead it was a topic avoided by the family and John and Alan didn't talk about it at all. Even the subject of Chris was off limits to the two of them, truth be told John tried to avoid his brother as much as Alan avoided him these days.

"Nothing's happened Christina, it's okay." John repeated not sure what to do to calm her down as this time when he reached out to pull her into a hug she didn't pull away.

Christina placed her head against his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart as she stood there. She could feel the chill he had against her cheek as she felt herself start to breath in a more appropriate manor. Those panicked breaths of before starting to slow as she realised how foolish she had been in jumping to the worst conclusions imaginable.

"You're too cold John." Chris said as she glanced up at him, seeing his smile but she could also see the tired look he had.

"I'm fine; it'll pass now I'm inside again." John replied as he smiled down at her.

All he cared about was seeing her safe, seeing that she had calmed down to a level he knew and could cope with. Last night had scared him, seeing her so frightened about a memory though he knew all too well how easily that could happen. The fact he had wanted to protect her had him sitting outside for the early part of the morning and now he had managed to scare her. Not ever something he wanted.

"You need to warm up, you're tired, come on just get some rest." Chris said as she pulled John toward the stairs.

For a moment John hesitated, glancing over at Cookie and Bill who just nodded and motioned for him to follow her.

"Don't stress her out over it, just go with it." Bill said smiling, almost smirking watching Christina tug at John.

"But I'm okay." John replied almost pleading as he saw the worried look Christina had again. "Okay, I'm going."

The last thing he wanted to do was to upset her anymore, he still wasn't sure if she even remembered their conversation about the Island or not. Right now likely wasn't the best time but John knew he had to go through that again at some point that day. Following Christina upstairs was easy enough, even when she threw open his bedroom door the first thought he had was that he wished he had made up the bed. The covers were still strewn from earlier that night, just the way he had left them before he wondered outside.

"Sit down and give me a minute." Chris said as she pointed to his bed before pulling out a few blankets from the wardrobe in the room.

John never said a word as he watched Christina move around, it was a sight he could never tire of. Watching her move, the animated version of the woman who had been so still for what felt like forever. Even though she was fussing over him, sure he wanted to tell her to stop but it didn't seem there was much use in arguing with her right then. It didn't take long for John to be smothered in blankets as he felt Christina rubbing at his arms in an attempt to warm him up. John didn't feel all that cold but then he wasn't sure what was going on in her head at times.

"John." Chris asked her voice laced with worry. "Talk to me, what's going on. Why didn't you sleep? If it's the bed or the house we can fix anything and you're safe here. I'll make sure of it."

Smiling John shrugged; oh he knew all too well why that was. Sure the memories of the Hood and Thunderbird Five had a lot to do with it but then so did Christina having been in a coma. The having to wait and not be able to do a thing while she in his mind suffered, the waiting after that, the not knowing and then talking through screens, phones and rarely face to face. It felt like stepping back when all he wanted to do after that Gala night was hold her and never let go.

"Christina, I ..." John began, the words right there on his tongue again.

Just as they were when he wanted to say I love you but as before he never did until it was too late.

"I was getting our trip sorted out." John lied smiling to try to cover it. "I just thought it would be easier outside so I didn't wake anyone."

Christina stared at John for a moment, her eyes could see that there was something and her mind screamed at her that what he said wasn't right though listening to her head right then. She found it a little too confusing to trust, John hadn't done anything to throw her trust away so with that came a level of trust she would normally scream at herself for giving.

"We're going on a trip?" Chris questioned smiling as if this was the first she had heard of it. "Where to?"

John couldn't deny hearing those words caused his heart to break a little more, he knew what he had been told. Doctors, nurses, staff and Lady Penelope had all told him what to expect and what not to. It was all laid out for him in black and white on paper but seeing it first hand, living it. It took all he had in that moment not to want to ask her to think about that, think about what he had told her last night. He knew she was tired and scared at the time but he thought somewhere she might remember him telling her.

"Yeah it was a surprise but now you know." John said trying to force his best smile. "Figured we'd get away for a few days or so. Give you a rest somewhere new."

Chris smiled and shook her head laughing for a moment. Was John crazy, she was fine right where she was? She had the farm to try and get back to working on, things she needed to catch up on and a trip wasn't going to help her find her feet anymore than rest or relaxing would.

"Thanks but you know, I'm fine right here. I've Bill and Cookie and if you want to stay longer then you know I'd love you to." Chris said smiling back at John. "Thanks but I don't want any trouble, it's only my second day back home."

John had to wonder just how much Chris knew about that previous day, good days and bad ones until her brain managed to work it out. If it could do that was, it was the reason John wanted to stay with her. He wanted to know she was okay, he had seen what she had done so far and yes Chris was starting to come back but he wanted the Christina he knew. The one he had fallen for and the one that could remember exactly what he said yesterday.

"Well it's already been decided, Bill and Cookie approved it." John said smiling hoping that would be enough to nudge her in the right direction.

Chris shook her head, the smile slowly dropping from her face as John wasn't sure what emotion he was reading but whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"See... now this is exactly what I mean John." Chris said a little sharply, "Other people deciding things for me and you... you're doing that thing again. Looking at me like I need help, like I can't look after myself anymore. What do you want me to do, what do I have to do for you to make this right?"

Chris barely knew what right was anymore, her head was a mess. Between the FBI team with Duke, Shep and Reese preceded by the CIA and now Owen Pierce wanted her to come back. She had no choice in that either but doing her own thing until she went back to work, she could choose. Her mind was swimming, trying working out what she knew she could do and what was now possible for her to do. She wanted herself back and screw what they said about time, work hard and it would be possible. It had to be because having John looking at her like she would break or disappear at a seconds notice was killing her. It had been one day, one day and she was struggling to work out what way was up with him now that things had changed.

"You don't have to make anything right Christina, I love you and that's all that matters. I can't help the way I'm looking at you because you freaked out I was cold. I was here, just out front and yes you do need help, that's not a choice you can make." John stated, "You need to take it easy and here, you won't, so yes you're coming with me to a place where you can't muck out stables, fix fences, dig a garden or do anything that remotely resembles work."

John had to take a breath to stop talking before he yelled as he stood up from the bed and shrugged off the mass of blankets Chris had thrown around him. Was he wrong for wanting her back? Did he just give up on the idea now she was getting back to what she knew? John couldn't help but look at her, he had spent days and hours staring at her face wishing and praying for her to do anything and now even arguing with her was amazing to him.

"I want you back Christina, I want the woman I love and right now I hate to see you struggling like this. Pushing yourself beyond what you're capable of at the moment. You'll end up hurting yourself and I can't go through sitting in that hospital room again." John blurted as he blinked back that tears that were starting to form. "I can't do that again, it broke me once and I can't go back to that so yes you can hate me for this but you're going with me."

If it killed him to see her like this, John knew it would end him to see her back in that hospital and tacking her to Tracy Island was the only way he knew to make her stop pushing herself. If he could steal her away for a day or five or ten it would be worth it to see her rest. Christina stepped back as she felt her ability to breathe slowly being taken away, the slow deep breaths of before replaced by short shallow ones as she tried to think of anything to say in return.

"I never asked you to sit in any hospital John. I never will." Chris said as she reached for the door to pull it open before she stepped into the hallway. "Alan is back with you, back with your family. That's all that matters John, nothing else. I don't want to hurt people anymore than I know I already have. I'm done, I can't do this. You need to go home."

Alan was okay, John had tried to patch things up with the youngest Tracy but in true Tracy style they were still locked in a no talking rift. John apologised and it simply wasn't good enough for Alan, they coexisted on the island but beyond that there was little chitchat. No idle conversation or even a passing word on school, it had been difficult to start with but now John had managed to accept what the youngest Tracy wanted and they avoided each other. He would snap out of it when he wanted and despite John's guilt over what he said to his brother, nothing seemed to make it any better for either of them.

"Alan is back, he's okay but you need to be okay too." John replied. "You won't talk to me about it, you won't tell me what happened and you're pushing too much. Just take a step back."

"John, I want you to go. Just leave." Chris pleaded staring at him as she saw him head for the door.

His face about said it all, the look of hurt that she hadn't noticed until then. The toll the entire event had taken on them all as she watched John leave the room. Something she really didn't want in that moment. It felt like all she had done was turn lives upside down and hurt the people she was closest to. Getting back to her real world she thought it might fix things but seeing John, all she seemed to do was make it worse.

With that Chris took off downstairs as John tried to work out what to say to her. Did he even chase her down, yell at her or apologise or even beg to stay with her? He hadn't meant to say what he had and he was pretty sure that when someone you loved was hurt. You went to be with them, no matter what and yes it had broken him. He had tried to work it out of his system until Bill told him to leave, then he locked himself away on Thunderbird Five until Scott dragged him back down to earth.

After that things were just, a motion. Life was just a motion he did, he got up, ate, did the family trade for the day and slept if he could. Was he too tired at that point to be angry, the answer was yes? Was he angry now that so much had been taken away, yes he was but he had the woman he loved back in a sense? She was walking, talking and laughing which had been more than he thought could exist until that night at the Gala. All she needed was time and John wanted to give her that if she would only let herself take it.

All John could do was try he thought as he walked across the yard and headed out to find Bill and Cookie somewhere on the Ranch. They would know what to do or say and if they didn't he could call his father and see how badly the oldest Tracy thought he had screwed up. After that there was always Scott if he wanted the blunt and honest truth.

Christina stopped at the closet as she reached for the laptop bag she kept in there hearing John shut the front door. She tugged it out from under a few other bags that had been thrown in there the last few months; Christina heard the landslide of canvas hit the floor as she moved out of the way. She could clear up later she told herself as she opened the bag on the kitchen table. Bill and Cookie appeared to have vacated the area as she fired up the laptop. Logging into the FBI files she still had access to, it was one file she wanted in particular.

One file that had her whole statement on it from time she was taken from the farm house to the moment she woke in the hospital. It was all there, written down and audio taped, amended and signed when she actually knew what way was up for a few moments. Talking about it made it real and it scared her more than anything else. Sending Alan off into the trees alone was a last ditch attempt to keep him safe and who knew what she would have done if he hadn't been found. Even thinking about it she could feel the fear she felt that day.

Sprawled out on the ground, that face above her as he told her what would happen. The fate she had resigned herself to and she barely felt anything herself anymore as her life faded away slowly. It was all in there, that one document that she had voiced to Duke and other investigators before staying pretty much silent on the subject. Showing John that document, it couldn't change things from the way they were she told herself. Even that down cast worried look he had, the way he watched her now as if she was fragile and would break at any second. Chris knew she wasn't doing herself any favours but she wanted to believe she could get back to any normal. To believe that the man she loved would look at her like she could do something, anything really.

Chris picked up the laptop, about to head back upstairs with it when she heard the knock at the door. Her eyes instinctively glanced at the clock on the wall; it was after six in the morning but who really called in at that time? She put the laptop down, closing it before going to the door as she pulled it open to see yet another familiar face for the day. Damien Reese was stood there, the widest grin on his face visible and the smell of a thousand breweries wafted into the house. Chris stood there a little surprised but before she could do otherwise she felt herself dragged into a bone crushing hug. One even Duke could have been proud of but it was Reese hugging her. A guy she had talked to now and again while she was recovering and a guy who didn't even work for the FBI anymore or the police. No Reese worked security for a local firm, she remembered it even now and given the pressed white mall cop uniform she saw, she couldn't help but grin back at him despite the smell of stale alcohol.

The mall cop look didn't really sit right given what she knew the team had done over the years, a mall cop seemed like a very safe nine to five that she figured his wife wanted for him. Still the smiling face of a friend wasn't all that unwelcome as she stepped back and motioned him inside.

"Well a little bird told me you were out." Damien said, "Thought I'd come by and see how you were doing."

Chris just laughed and smiled at him for a moment. She was out but at that moment she was unsure if that was a good thing or not.

"You've always had strange timing." Chris answered shrugging, "I'm me, still okay so far as I know just trying to tell everyone else that."

Well it wasn't the truth but letting anyone else know that was a far reach. Yeah she wasn't for the pity parade or having one more person look at her like she was broken. John had done enough of that already.

"What about you? Liking the new uniform?" Chris said as she stood back for a moment to admire the strange combination of a white pressed shirt, security badge and black suit pants.

Reese just laughed it off, his life yeah, that had taken a turn once he had hit the whiskey. He retired from the team to spend more time with the family and once he did that he found that he didn't really enjoy it. Not the family part but mainly somewhere along the way the long hours, the strange work days and time away worked for his wife. Truth be told they didn't really have to spend that much time together and for them, he found it was the exact reason their marriage worked. Neither one of them had time for it. His daughter on the other hand was the light of his life but even she had looked at him like a stranger a few times when he came home for dinner at a regular hour. Her eyes giving away the message she hadn't a clue what to do with the stranger at the dinner table anymore.

"Yeah the uniform if great, you know. Get to walk around a different place every week. Check doors and padlocks... pretty much it now. Left the team and the job is all I have." Reese said letting the smile drop from his face. "Wish we could get the band back together though. Duke, Shep, you and me. All in the one office doing what we do best."

Chris laughed as she nodded; oh she had wanted to just go back to how things had been. To work that next case for the Feds or running off with Lady Penelope for some off book job half way around the world. It was all different now, Shep had been gone a while and now worked as a protection officer and Duke. Well Duke had managed to land a gig with the Tracy's, Chris was still wondering what that was however she was sure he was enjoying it. At least the last time they spoke he was upbeat about things. The disbanding of the team was unfortunate but Penny had her reasons for it she was sure. As Chris remembered it, Reese had been the first one to go and the rest of them had just gotten on with life.

"What do you mean the jobs all you have?" Chris asked a little worried, she had been out of the loop on a lot but listening to Reese she was sure there was a story there. "You've a wife and daughter that wanted you to give up that job for years. You've got them too."

Reese laughed and nodded to Chris, he usually came in with the marital argument over his job. Told the entire office his wife was always expecting the worst and now when he had left his job. Now things were over and done with, he didn't live at the home they had made together. He just had an apartment in town, he spent nights at the bar and saw his daughter when he could or when he was sober enough to. It wasn't the picket fence life he had planned out for himself.

"You know when you think have something, then you realise the way you are, it works for you and your wife. You do the one thing your wife asks and it all falls apart." Reese said with a sigh, "Yeah, my marriage is broken and I have a job I hate. But I didn't come here to talk about me; I just came around to say hi again."

It felt like a cold harsh dose of reality. Chris just stood there staring at Reese; the man still had a slight smile though now she looked at him. Really looked, she could see the badly ironed shirt and the pants that needed turned up about a half inch. The worn look he had on his face and the eyes that were almost out of sparkle which normally she would have caught first time around. It had taken a conversation and bad news for her to see it, maybe John was right. Her head wasn't in this at all.

"Reese, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Chris replied a little shocked as she tried to figure out the right thing to say. "I thought you were... I... here take a seat. Come on."

Motioning toward the couch in the living room Chris had almost forgotten about the idea of letting John read her statement. Giving him access to everything that had happened that day in hopes of steadying her own relationship before it broke too.

"Hey, I just came to say hi before work okay. I'm glad you're back out in the world again." Reese said smiling as he slid his arm around Christina's waist and sat down on the couch. "So what's new with you?"

Chris laughed and rolled her eyes as she pushed herself away from Reese. She could smell that tell tale sign of stale alcohol on his breath from the start. Stale maybe but she glanced around his belt for a second, no gun well that was a good thing she figured as her brain seemed to be screaming something she didn't understand. The cuffs were there, a pepper spray and a radio, all things that came with a security job.

"New, well I get to be here now instead of my little walled room." She said grinning, "John's here, he picked me up yesterday and that's it so far."

Reese gritted his teeth at the mention of John Tracy; if it hadn't been for the Tracy's he was sure they would have found Smiley sooner. They had been a distraction the entire way though the case and the fact that one was messing with his girl. Reese just rolled his shoulders for a moment.

"Take it the two of you are still... what a thing?" Reese asked trying to hide the bitter tone in his voice.

"Sure we are or I think we are." Chris said not really sure what to define it as given five minutes ago she had asked him to leave. The label boyfriend and girlfriend sounded like they were two years old and partners, it was a little too formal. "We're sort of a thing yes."

"Ever thought you deserve better?" Reese asked her without hiding the bitter icy tone.

Chris laughed and shook her head.

"Dorian Reese, John is better than I could have dreamed." She said getting that wistful doe eyed loved up look in her eyes.

The very look that Reese hated, the look he used to see in his wife's eyes and then there was that day at the office when he had gone for John. He hated the man for taking away the only other woman in his life.

"You say that now but he isn't good enough for you Chris." Reese said starting to feel a little angry, "I know the perfect guy for you, the guy that get's you. The one that understands what goes on in that head of yours."

Chris just watched Reese for a moment, everything in her told her to get up and go. To leave the house, to run for the hills but she sat there for a moment. Listening to a description of a guy who was upstairs if she just let him into her world, a world she didn't want John to know of.

"Reese stop okay. I'm happy, I really am." Chris said as she glanced around the living room. "You should probably get to work too... we can catch up later okay."

Chris tried to make any excuse she could think of but before she knew what was going on, she felt Reese's arm around her waist again. Gasping Chris could barely move as she felt Reese push her back onto the couch. His breath reeking of alcohol as she tried in vain to push him off her. The weight felt ten times heavier than she expected as he almost squashed the breath out of her. Chris turned her head as she tried to slide herself from under him, his hands keept her in place as all she could see in that moment was Mr. Smiley. That face above hers as she tried to fight him off, no amount of struggling could help as she felt Reese's lips trying to find her own.

"Reese, no stop this." Chris gasped under the heavy frame of who she thought was her friend.

Her hands tried to push his face away but as soon as she had a hand free it was caught again as she felt herself freeze with fear. She knew what John was talking about now, she wasn't herself and she wasn't strong enough either. Months ago she would have knocked Reese out for this, the man would have been screaming in pain on the floor but now. Now it was a struggle to breath with him pressing down on her.

"It's you Chris, you're the reason I don't love her anymore." Reese grunted as he felt Chris deal him a blow to his side that only made him persist. "I love you."

"No Reese. Don't say that. I hate you, get off me." Chris gasped trying to shove at any part of him she could. "Stop... just no... help, please help."

Gasping trying to get back any breathe she could, knowing that normally throwing someone off her was no issue. Her fear started to take over, fear that she knew made her hesitate and thinking right then wasn't her friend. What she knew to do and what her arms and legs were doing were entirely different as she tried to pull her way out from under Reese. Taking the deepest breath she could Chris tried to shove against Reese one last time.

This time she hit the carpeted floor as she managed to wind herself in the process. She hit the ground with a thud as her training left her brain. Like lightening Reese appeared on top of her, straddling her chest. His face inches from hers. Chris tried to arch away from him. Even when he leaned closer she turned away soon feeling the fear paralyze her again. She turned to look at him and then that was it. His lips mashed against her as she shrieked.

Her cries for help were silenced when she heard the clicking of metal cuffs around her wrists. She could barely scream anymore as she felt her hands being raised above her head, pushed back into the wooden floor as a hand clasped around her throat. The feeling of fingers tightening around the only way she could get air. It took her a moment to realize that this, it was happening. His weight at least one hundred and ninety pounds and at six foot Reese was making it near impossible for her to breath let alone fight. She screamed herself hoarse as she couldn't hear anyone. Chris could see Reese realize something, what it was she couldn't honestly say as she struggled underneath him.

"You act as if I will hurt you Chris. I just want you to realize that you haven't been thinking straight lately." Reese told her, the same lunatic smile on his face as she has seen on Mr. Smiley. "He is all wrong for you. I just want you to know that he is all wrong for you"

"What the hell are you…" She began suddenly realizing what he was talking about. "You're a crazy lunatic Damien. You get the hell out right now!"

Once again Christina managed to push herself out from under Reese, this time not hesitating as she ran for the front door. Her cuffed hands found the door handle as she pulled it open stumbling onto the porch. She had half hoped that someone would see what was happening or Bill would come back even John, he was somewhere. Yet she couldn't or hear anyone apart from the lunatic behind her.

"Even after calling me a lunatic, I still find you gorgeous!" Reese stated.

Christina didn't like where this was going as she gulped, having the urge to wretch there and then. Reese was her friend, the guy she worked with and trusted her life to. If this was a nightmare, she wanted to wake up there and then but it felt too real. She realized as she stumbled from the porch that she'd sent John away, the one man beyond family she trusted and right now. Even family was shaky given she considered Reese family two minutes ago.

"Go Reese. Leave me alone" She pleaded.

"All I want it a kiss, more depending on it, but a kiss for now" Reese told her making an advance towards her.

Christina couldn't believe she had heard him right. He wanted a kiss; he wanted her to kiss him when he was drunk and acting like this?

"For old time sake." Reese said pushing forwards as Christina tripped backwards again hitting the dirt ground.

Like lightening Reese appeared on top of her, straddling her legs once more forcing them flat to the ground. Chris had little strength to kick them up against him though it didn't stop her trying. His face inches from hers as Chris arched away from him. As he leaned closer she felt sick, terrified and angry all at once. She turned to look at Reese to try and reason with him but that was it. His lips mashed against hers again as she shrieked.

Her cries for help were gone for a moment before she threw her hands into his shoulder. Her voice much louder this time as she screamed. She didn't know where anyone was but if by some miracle they could hear her, she just wanted to someone to hear her.

John heard a voice from behind him but he didn't want to turn around, it was too difficult to figure out what he was doing here. It wasn't what he thought would happen, no happy reunion, no meet the family. It was tears and arguments and John didn't want to be the guy that hurt Chris anymore than she had been. The second set of cries, he knew the voice that made them and John turned on his heels. He was half way down the yard when he saw Christina on the ground with a guy on top of her.

John set off running back toward the two, his mind racing as he didn't stop running until he had barreled into the guy that had pinned Chris down. John tumbled to the floor with Reese, grabbing at the man's boots to stop him going back as he finally saw who it was. None of it made sense but John didn't let go. He felt Reese's boot connect with his face, the burst of pain followed by the spray of blood from his nose but John still didn't let go.

Christina lay there for a moment shivering as she saw John; she didn't know what to do as she lay there. Her friend had done this to her, her friend, the person she invited into the house. The feeling that she should have known circled in her mind until she saw John's nose practically explode. Something about it shook her and for a moment she had no idea what she was doing. Her legs forced her to her feet and Chris moved toward Reese.

Unlike the many times she would have run toward the man to help fight off an enemy or lend a hand. This time her knee flew up towards Reese's chin. She felt it connect and watched as Reese sprawl backwards away from John. Christina didn't even need to think as whatever piece of her brain hadn't worked before was fully awake now.

Reese stumbled to his feet only to be met with a blow to his cheek, followed by one to his leg which dropped him back down to one knee. Reese could only stare up at Christina, the blank face of hers no longer scared but blank. A face he knew from her very first days with the group, a face that sent more fear into him than any killers ever could. Reese didn't even see the blow to the side of his head from Christina's boot as he landed on his back before his world went black.

John didn't care about his nose as he ran toward Christina; he could see her hands were cuffed as he reached out a hand to touch her arm. Her face didn't show anything as John barely managed to touch her before she shrieked. John stopped right where he was when he saw the blank face of Christina come back to life, the horror and shock of the past few minutes evident.

"Don't touch me." Christina gasped stepping away as she glanced between Reese sprawled out on the floor and John. "I need my phone."

John nodded as he darted back inside in the house; his nose bleeding as grabbed the cell phone off the kitchen countertop he knew was Christina's. Coming back out John passed it to her as he saw the dust cloud of an approaching truck. He could see it was Bill's truck but stopping the man seeing what had happened. It wasn't really going to work as he watched Christina drop her phone stepping back again.

Christina had scrolled through he numbers, the auto pilot for a situation kicking in as her thumb hovered over the number she knew to call. Damien Reese. Her boss, her friend, the team boss, the one they called when things like this happened and he was the one laying there in the yard. She could hear her own gasping breaths that she almost couldn't take, even as John reached to pick up her phone all she could do was stand there.

The more she tried to hear who and what was said, she couldn't hear a word from John. It didn't take long before Bill and Cookie were there, their voices feeling distant as she backed away from anyone who reached for her. Soon the yard was filled with lights, cars and people asking her questions she couldn't answer. Why? It was the question she asked herself. How? That turned out to be the simple question, the recall of a play by play. The realization that John was right, she wasn't herself and the sooner she could find that self again the better for everyone.

Even the question of who, caused her a problem because the man she had seen. The man she let into her home wasn't the same man who attacked her, forced himself on her and stated he loved her. The Reese of now and the Reese she knew were two separate people and there was no blending the two. Christina was stuck in a bubble, people spoke and she answered. Hearing the questions but that was about it until she felt someone unlock those cuffs that held her hands.

The moment the clink of metal hit hear ears as they opened and were removed, Christina felt her legs give way. Her breaths were still loud in her own ears and she could barely see what was going on right in front of her face. Even when people stopped asking questions, the ambulance moved away and she was left sitting there with Bill and Cookie by her side. Christina had no idea what way was up.

"John?" She asked as her eyes seemed to focus long enough to see John sitting on the porch of the house.

It seemed like the police had long since done with him, her eyes saw the bandage on his nose and the slow start to a pretty bad bruise. The way his eyes never left hers for a second as she stared back at him. The lines under John's eyes that spelled tiredness and the heavy shoulders that appeared to have a weight tying them down. Christina thought in that moment she had seen John truly for the first time since the Gala night.

No forced smiles or happy attitudes, no the world is all sunshine and roses promises. It felt like her eyes could really see in that moment. Christina stood up slowly with Bill and Cookie trying to get her to sit back down again, the yard was slowly emptying of cars and people as she made her way toward John. She knelt beside him as her hand came up to his face, gently pressing against his cheek for a moment as if to prove he was really there.

"You said we could get away for a few days." Chris asked barely able to meet John's eyes. "Is that still… is it still okay?"

John reached his hand up, wrapping his fingers around the hand that he felt against his cheek as he nodded. He should have taken her away that morning, even last night and not let her sleep on it. He could have stopped this John thought as he had listened to Reese scream that he wasn't good enough for her. Christina was his and several other things before the police had taken him away.

"We can go now if you want to?" John offered smiling weakly through the pain he felt in his face made it difficult. "The plane should be landing in about an hour."

John knew that he would tell the police where they were, he knew better than to run off after something like that but getting Christina somewhere he knew was safe. It was all he wanted to do as he glanced over at Bill and Cookie who just nodded.

"Take her and go, I trust you." Bill mumbled as he tried to steady himself. "Well sort this out."

"I want to go now." Chris said as she gripped onto John's hand tightly. "Just don't let go okay. Please."

Christina knelt there with John, holding onto his hand as if it was life itself. Her grip tight as she stayed silent, her eyes watching John's as she felt Bill squeeze her shoulder when he passed by and went inside. Even when Cookie mentioned getting their things ready, Christina didn't move and neither did John. They just sat there quietly in the daylight of the morning of the front porch.


	3. Ahead Of Myself

Duke walked through the main house on Tracy Island; the sticky heat he was still getting used to as he tugged at the collar of his shirt. Usually he would only be in a tropical climate for six months or less but Tracy Island was his new permanent home and one he was still getting used to. Duke honestly never imagined that he would be working with the Thunderbirds. It was strange even thinking about it, years ago he never thought he would survive BUDs training before he became a Navy Seal. Years later it was Lady Penelope he thought he might not survive and she managed to fit him into the FBI and her band of misfits, then came almost losing a friend and now he had become head of security for Jeff Tracy. The world worked in mysterious ways.

Scott had called from the airport to say John and Christina had been picked up; there was an 'issue' but getting Scott to tell him any details wasn't happening. Duke did his usual and called the local police and had already been filled in by a rather worried chief of police. The perks of still having friends in the area he guessed as he spent most of the morning hiding away all Thunderbird related items from the Tracy house. The machines were housed at the far side of the island so if any call did come, if Christina stayed in the house she would be none the wiser as he turned the glass windows into a shimmering picture of forest activity. It hardly beat the picture outside but the less Christina knew the better, for now at least.

Duke made his way toward Jeff office; the man was sat quietly there studying at the face of several computers when Duke flicked the switch on the side of the wooden desk. The computers started to close down, the desk turned and Jeff sighed as Duke passed over the tablet device.

"Guests can't know." Duke said in a low tone.

It had been the constant in his life, secrecy. His job, his job after that and now Tracy Island there were a long list of secrets and things he could never tell another soul unless they had been present at the time. The Thunderbirds were just another secret to file away in his mind for now.

"I know, I just... I wish we could just tell her." Jeff said with the slight smile on his face. "Let her know that we're more than just rich friends of Lady Penelope."

"Oh I think she knows that, you have some pretty accomplished sons." Duke said with an award winning smirk.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Jeff replied, "Any update on the incident?"

Duke could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight as he debated keeping a few details out of his report to his new boss. The one thing Duke could count on was that Jeff was far more in tune with things than he could be as he motioned to the tablet that was now in Jeff's hand.

"The full report is there." Duke said watching as the older man started to read.

Jeff stood up for a moment before reaching back for the arm of the chair behind him. The ashen look on his face aged him another ten years as Duke cleared his throat.

"Mr. Tracy. John and Christina are, physically fine. They are on the plane with Scott now and will be here in fifteen minutes." Duke announced checking his watch. "A broken nose for John but otherwise fine."

Jeff sat there in disbelief as he read the police report, the statements that were still a little vague for his liking but gave him a good enough idea of events. Damien Reese, the man who had helped them not all that long ago. The same mad that stood with him telling him it would all be okay when he thought Alan was gone and life would never be the same.

"Are they sure?" Jeff asked looking up at Duke.

"Damn sure." Duke stated as he tried not to narrow his eyes at Jeff. "Reese has gone off the rails; he isn't who he used to be anymore. For this he deserves jail time and more."

"I'm not disagreeing but... I'll reach out and see what help we can give." Jeff said hearing Duke's grumbling protest as he pushed himself away from his desk. "Do the rest know what happened?"

"No, I wanted to see what your thoughts were first." Duke said as Jeff strode from his office and gathered the remaining Tracy clan including Alan.

Jeff spent the remaining few minutes explaining what had happened as best he could, making sure each and every one of them knew to say nothing as he ushered them out to meet the plane. Each brother beamed from ear to ear while Alan hovered at the back of the group. The door to the plane opened and the steps made their usual hydraulic whine and slow decent as Scott appeared at the top of them carrying two bags.

Scott made his way into the throng of family, Jeff stepped aside letting the brothers fire their questions at his eldest. Jeff had his own questions which were only answered when he saw the second oldest descend from the plane with Christina in tow. The two looked like they had been in a fight and Jeff found it tough not to smile as he wrapped his arms around them both simultaneously.

"It's good to see you both." He whispered before letting John and Christina go.

"Good to see you too Mr. Tracy." Christina said as her hand held John's tightly. Her eyes watched the familiar faces of the Tracy family.

Christina barely had chance to register a runway that was well hidden by palm trees and jungle shrubbery. Even stepping onto the concrete and then following the group on a path that appeared to be well travelled escaped her immediate notice as she clung to John. The one person she trusted more than anyone on that island. Breaking off the path and into a paved area Christina gasped as she could see the crystal clear blue ocean. It was breathtaking, she found herself frozen to the spot as she completely forgot she held onto John until she was pulled gently toward the main house.

John wasn't joking, it was an Island. Christina had no idea what she thought it might be, an island attached to the mainland or just a small beach and some sand but never what she saw with her own eyes. A small boat ride from the corner of the rest of the world but this seemed to be a whole one hundred and eighty degrees of water which for someone who hated water. Felt like a bigger issue than she wanted to admit, even as she was walked past a pool that seemed indecent in size, the way her mind was working right then. She struggled to comprehend much beyond a foot in front of her face.

Scott had disappeared into the house to shrug off the Tracy Industries uniform he had worn for the flight. He had considered his military uniform just to show off but then under the circumstances, the logo on a jacket seemed much more appropriate. It had to be one of the quietest flights he had flown, little to no turbulence and Christina had slept most of the way. Scott had watched his brother stare at Christina for most of the flight and only engaging in a whispered word or two. It was rather boring compared to their normal exchange of ideas or words though if he had been in a similar situation, Scott couldn't deny he would be a little subdued.

Gordon and Virgil moved away to their rooms or as John figured, the same room to bug each other for the next few hours while Alan dropped down onto the sofa. It wasn't unusual though seeing everyone just fall back into their kind of normal made him feel a little more at home.

"So..." Duke said glancing between the two of them. "Who's first for Dr. Phil?"

John glanced over Christina who still hadn't said much more than a hello to anyone. Her eyes seemed vacant, an almost far away stare as he watched her turn to Duke.

"John should see a doctor." She said quietly, "He got hit pretty hard."

It felt like she was there in the same room but stood completely outside of the events as well. It sounded crazy, much crazier than she liked to admit though she let go of John's hand as she spoke.

"Just to make sure he didn't break anything." Chris added, her eyes not quite meeting John's.

"I'm fine, just sore but that's what happens when you get into a fight." John stated while shaking his head. "I'm fine okay."

"Don't argue with me John." Christina snapped a little loudly as Jeff nodded.

"Come on son, let's get you checked over." He said before turning to Christina. "Then it's your turn."

The last thing he wanted was a medical emergency on the Island. A medical bay was set up there and yes, they were equipped to handle most things but out of choice, Jeff preferred to be around the professionals if anything like that were to happen. Jeff steered his son out of the room leaving Duke, Christina and Alan.

"Is it true?" Duke asked, if he hadn't seen the evidence for himself he would have said Christina was crazy.

The entire thing was crazy, Reese wouldn't just do that but then the past few years working so closely with people he would be a fool to think that there were no feelings involved. His mind was working around the idea and though it seemed to be plain and simple, Duke was struggling to see a way things could have been changed.

"It's true." Chris replied in a flat tone. "I didn't know what to do when I needed to. Duke, I need you to push me, to train me so I can be her again. I need to be me."

The request was simple and Duke knew more than anything he wanted Chris to be herself though training her or rather retraining her. It was a bad idea and he wanted no part of that right now. The rabbit hole was a struggle each and every day and putting his friend back onto the edge, the edge where life became a complicated mess. Reese had walked away from it for better or worse. Duke had a job with the Tracy's, Shep was back to protection detail and Lady Penelope was... Lady Penelope. Duke could see an out for Christina and he wanted her to take it despite her contract for the CIA.

"What if you didn't do it? What if you just stayed as you are now? Things will come back, give it time but you don't have to push yourself." Duke said in an attempt to be positive. In a way he hoped Chris would never get that side of her back, it was easier to forget and not look at every room as a threat. If anything the CIA would have to shelf her and if there was any luck in the world just retire her. "If it's meant to be, it'll be. I'm not training you to be that person again Chris."

Alan started to shrink down into the sofa as he felt the room cool a few degrees. He honestly could have said there was frost starting to form on the window as he made his excuses to get out of there. All along on the Island he called home he knew had started to disappear. If it wasn't Thunderbird talk, it was talk of school and each time a family fight came around he had a knack for managing to escape the onslaught.

"I can't do it now, don't you see that." Chris said pointing out her face and wrists. "If I was me before, I could have taken care of it on my own. Now I need John getting hurt to save me from my friend... that isn't me. It's not who I am. I don't want to go back; I just want to be able to fight again."

"You learn to fight again they'll put you right back into the middle of it. Whatever fight, whatever day, whatever country. You'll be their experiment to see how far they can go again." Duke said almost pleading, "Is that what you want, you're head isn't right. You're not thinking straight."

"Not thinking, it's all I've done is think. I thought he was... that he would... and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. Do you even understand what that's like?" Christina almost yelled feeling the tears well up in her eyes. "It's not the what happened, it's not that it did happen right now, it's the fact that he showed me what I've lost and what he took again from me."

"No one's taken anything Chris, he was wrong but you're stronger than that, than him." Duke said as glanced around seeing no one there. "I'll help you but not right now. Not today and not tomorrow."

"Independence, he took that the minute I landed here. The minute John looked at me like I was defenceless. The look of I'm sorry on your face that screams at me." Chris said, "All I'm asking for is your help, I need my head to work with the rest of me. Not freeze up on me and I need you to push me like no one else can."

Duke hated seeing anyone like this, he had never seen Christina so unlike herself. Even the first time they met and all he could think was stone cold killer, she knew what she could do in her own mind and body. The feeling of dread seemed to well up inside him as he nodded to her. No words needed to confirm what he would do but if she got back the confidence that she could take care of any situation. There was that small chance of normal again.

"Thank you." Christina said softly as she took a breath.


	4. Each Time You Left

John pressed the pillow firmly to his face; the stifled scream could be heard throughout the adjacent bedrooms while John fought with the bed sheets entangled at his feet. The nightmare that started on Thunderbird Five appeared to follow him home. The face of the woman he loved, happy, laughing, that smile of hers which took his breath away suddenly faded. The darkness took over and she was gone in an instant. The familiar struggle to breathe overtook him, the fight to try and hold onto the image followed by the inevitable scream as he woke.

Drenched in sweat, his fists balled, John finally managed to kick his feet free of the bed sheets. A quick glance at the clock which told him it was too early in the morning to be awake. The last three nights had been a torture to him, the last bedroom on the island, away from noise and hustle of the main house area. John sat there in silence, his breathing heavy while his mind caught up to the reality of the dark room. After a while he needed to move, he could no longer stay there. His eyes focused on the darkness in the room until reached for a fresh t-shirt. He discarded his sweat soaked one in the laundry basket before he stepped out into the hall. The island was still in darkness when he went to check on the woman his nightmare had been about.

John's feet padded quietly down the hall and careful hand pushed open her door. The moonlight shone through her window and John saw she was sleeping peacefully, a rare sight given he had heard Christina suffer from a nightmare or two in the last few days. She dosed on and off throughout the day and most of the time he doubted she knew she did it. Christina's usual words of 'just a short rest' or 'a sit down' mostly ended in her closing her eyes for an hour with the occasional jump, startled expression when she woke or a scream.

It was to be expected he had to remind himself and despite taking her away from her own ranch, John found Christina made herself equally as busy on the Island. Annoying as it was, he found himself powerless to stop her but when he saw the achievement and joy in her face that being useful brought. It was hard to be annoyed about it in any way. The previous night, John had sat and watched her sleep in the darkness, content to just be near her and know she wasn't in danger there.

Instead, John quietly pulled shut her door before he trudged into his father's office. The last few days had been a blissful torture; he had the woman he loved on the Island he called home. Really what more could he want from the world? The only downside was Christina was still a shadow of her former self. He had heard her pacing in her room, the nightmares that woke her screaming and left him pacing outside her door. Hesitant to make the decision to knock or leave her be found John hovering in indecision many an hour. Christina seemed to suffer a sleep that was as on and off as his own, it was the reason he chose to pace into his father's office.

Jeff was sat in his office chair reading through the most recent reports from their mission. Another secret John and the family had kept from Christina but there was little he could do about it, if she found out now Jeff had no idea what would happen. Everyone was on the same page but Alan; the youngest Tracy decided it was unfair to leave Christina in the dark. He wanted to out their whole operation but after a forceful chat, Alan had been silenced by the family decision.

"Everything okay son?" Jeff asked the moment he heard footsteps enter his office.

His back might have been to the door but he could recognise each of his sons' footsteps in the dead of night.

"Everything is great." John said with a defeated tone followed closely by a yawn.

John had always been the quietest of Jeff's sons, the son whom he could rely on for anything and never have to worry about much. Until recently, now Jeff did nothing but worry about John and what went on in his head. Jeff knew the moment Scott left to collect John from Thunderbird Five; letting his son go up to space had been a mistake. He thought it might help to clear his son's head, change his view point or at least give him normality. Instead when John came back, Jeff had seen the error in his thinking.

The family had been through a lot lately, the holiday to the Ranch was supposed to give them a change of speed. It was supposed to be chance to learn, a safe space that had no involvement with International Rescue, Thunderbirds or the Global Defence Force. Instead as restful as it had been, trouble caught up with them as it always seemed to.

"It might work with Gordon, Virgil and Alan but not me." Jeff replied as he put the papers down on his desk. "What's on your mind?"

The younger Tracy boys might have bought John's words at a push, if he had been on board Thunderbird Five; it was a safe bet to say it was an absolute yes. Jeff as a father and Scott as a little of both, there was no chance his words would be taken seriously. Jeff could see John had barely slept; always keeping an eye out for Christina and when he did manage to get a break there was always something to pull him from his slumber.

John cracked a half smile as he flopped down into one of the chairs opposite his father's desk. He never understood the need for them; Jeff's office was rarely used for any real business other than the Thunderbirds. No officials came to their home, it was too risky and it was the reason they had their offices around the globe. No one really needed to come to their home or base of operations.

"We're all alive so what's not to be great about Dad?" John added before he pinched the bridge of his nose lightly. He could feel a headache forming behind his eyes. "I just thought... it would be different."

The whole reunion with Christina, seeing her at the auction that night, the fact she was in the land of the living. Only for her to be taken away again, John knew rehab was important and why Lady Penelope had chosen the place but there was so much left unsaid. After the initial relief had worn away, the guilt and nerves seemed to take over. The nightmares about losing her again, screaming out for no one to hear him until that first time when Jeff had burst into his room.

Embarrassed as John had been, the explanation was just as awkward. His father made no issue of it, told him to try and rest and they would work it out in the morning. It just happened that the morning came and so did an earthquake that needed the family's attention. It was a few weeks ago now and John had floated the idea that he had everything under control.

"Different how?" Jeff asked with a genuine curiosity.

"Different, you know. Just... easier maybe?" John had no idea how hard it was to love someone who was struggling. "I just thought that when she got out of rehab, that things would be easier, better, less... run off to an island because her boss tried to..."

John could barely finish that sentence; he knew what Reese had tried to do. The man had completely lost it but there was nothing he could do now. John had been the one to leave Christina alone in the ranch house; he walked off when he should have stayed rooted to the spot.

"You couldn't know what Reese would do John." Jeff said supportively, "It's not easy to see a loved one go a tough time but it will get better. Just take it day by day."

Jeff had seen enough heartache in his time to know it was never easy, love was challenging on every level and for each easy moment there might be ten more when it all fell apart. His own wife had taught him that, they had their fair share of difficulties and arguments over long work hours, a growing family and time spent away from each other. Every family had a varying degree of those same issues.

"Day by day... she still has nightmares dad. You've heard her scream out for help? Seen how tired she is and won't rest. I wish I could take it away, give her one good night's sleep." John said with a helpless look. "I sat next to her for weeks and said all these things that now I can't even tell her. Now she's right here to listen to them, I haven't got the words anymore."

Jeff sat and listened to his son talk, he wished there was more he could do to help. Christina was struggling and fighting, the reason for her trip to the Island was to try and get her to rest. Something they all knew she would never do at the Ranch and now Jeff doubted that they were anymore successful. Christina was always up before them, helping where she could, cleaning the place as relaxing seemed to be a foreign theme to her.

Three days in and John although he had put on a brave face, the entire family knew the man was hurting. Jeff could see it in his son's eyes, the way he moved and how unsettled John seemed to be in the place they knew was home.

"What is it you want to tell her? You almost lost her once, just explain how you feel or it will keep eating at you." Jeff replied, "I can see you're hurting and Christina isn't the only one losing sleep, is she?"

John shrugged, his father was well aware of his antics over the last few days. Sleeping was a state of mind, he could do that when he knew things were settled and nothing seemed settled. He was keeping secrets; he had so much to say then nothing at all and admitting he was scared of losing Christina. It wasn't the Thunderbird way; he was strong, tough and kept going no matter what.

"You make it sound like I don't want to sleep." John retorted with a roll of his eyes. "You and mum, did you say everything you ever wanted to?"

Jeff knew the question might be asked one day, he knew that it would come up but the answer to that question hurt. It hurt more than losing her that day, more than not being able to say goodbye and yes, just like John having everything to say that he should have and not being able to say it.

"No I didn't. Your mother, she put up with a lot over the years and I fear that in the end, I missed out on telling her exactly what I felt. I'm sure she knew but there is a big difference." Jeff offered in reply, he stretched out on the chair before he rolled his shoulders. "I wish I had more time with your mother and its why, you should tell her what is on your mind before there isn't that tomorrow. You had a taste of that once, don't tempt fate twice."

Fate, luck, the future, whatever anyone wanted to call it Jeff knew it would be a tough mistress. Time could be on your side or it could snatch away your dreams and desires in a brief second. If Jeff could have his time back, he would have left work that little bit earlier to take his wife out for date night. Cook her that nice meal or even watch her favourite movie that next time just to see her laugh and smile. Time had taken years from them but had left him with a loving family, he didn't want to see time take anything from his son.

"And what if it's too much? What if she doesn't feel the same way or things fall apart?" John asked given it was one of his many genuine worries, that if he said too much, things would change.

"Christina came to this Island with you son. From what I've seen, I think she feels a little of what you do." Jeff tried not to laugh or shrug off his son's worries.

It was hard not to laugh or even stare in disbelief at his son for that question. Lucille would have been the best placed parent for a conversation like this, personal feelings and women. Jeff knew she would have said the right thing, had the answer and the plan all together and rolled into one. Instead Jeff was there attempting to think of a way he could tell his son to open his eyes without making a situation worse. If anything, John seemed set that his question was a worry but Jeff had seen enough of Christina to know that she wouldn't be on the Island if she didn't want to. She wouldn't have given John a hope in the world if she didn't feel the same way; he just wished his son could see that.

"What if she just felt sorry for me that night, at the auction? She knew I was going to ask her to marry me. I told her I loved her and she said it back to me but what if she didn't mean it." John said with a sigh as he rested his head in his hands. If he had looked at his father in that moment, he would have been able to see Jeff's demeanour change. The man's straightened back, the almost worried look, his gaze on the open office door where the figure stood bathed in a few rays of moonlight.

"Sometimes she doesn't even remember what I said an hour ago, I never asked about that night so what if she doesn't remember or changed her mind? What if she said I love you and she doesn't mean it?" John carried on before he looked up at his father who was suddenly preoccupied.

Christina stood there unable to move, she hadn't meant to overhear any conversation. In fact she had thought better of going to investigate the voices she heard but the office door was open and she wanted to know if everything was alright. She stood there with a glass of water clutched in her hand that she had refilled as she broke the stare Jeff gave her.

"I heard voices, I just came to see if you needed anything?" Christina asked as her teeth nervously bit at the inside of her lip. "I was just heading back to sleep."

With that Christina turned on her heels, it seemed to take forever to find her room again as she shut the door and leant against it. The breath she didn't know she held was suddenly gone and replaced with a gasp. The rush of air into her lungs startled her for a moment. Her memory of the auction night she was muddled and yes every day her brain seemed to unscramble something else but it took time. The same time her doctors talked about but she never thought John would question what she felt about him.

John glanced toward his father and let out a groan fit for a wounded animal. Each time he opened his mouth, the wrong words came out at the wrong time. He could see the wince in his father's face, the knowledge of how much had been heard and John was playing catch up to that.

"How bad is it?" John asked waiting for the answer with baited breath.

"I would say that you two need to talk." Jeff offered with an amused smile. "Sooner rather than later."

"So it's bad." John added only to see his father give a brief nod as the phone on his father's desk lit up.

"How about you go and wake your brothers, we've a rescue to attend to." Jeff said, "And you take advantage of an empty house."

Jeff shook his head the minute those words left his mouth.

"I mean... to talk to her." Jeff added quickly before he remembered John wasn't Scott. "Just talk to her."

John pushed himself from the chair and started a sprint towards his brother's rooms. Jeff had just turned the family picture on the wall into their individual places when Scott, Virgil and Gordon appeared rubbing sleep from and a brief their eyes. The office door whirled shut behind them as John watched his father and three brothers disappear. The Thunderbirds were being held off site, one short jet ride later and he knew they would have things under control. John just wasn't sure the same could be said for him.

"See you when we get back John." Jeff voice echoed throughout his office.

"FAB dad." John replied.

The last thing he needed to explain to Christina was the Thunderbirds. Even if it happened to be the first thing he wanted to tell her. To explain all about their 'business' but there were rules against it and right now, John only wanted to be sure he hadn't ruined the best thing in his life. Nightmares or not, he didn't want to lose her a second time, his father was right about that.


End file.
